CDquariums

• DIY HERE

• BUY ONE HERE

• STUMP THE EXPERT

• I wanna go hooome!

Welcome to the "Stump the Expert" section of CDquariums! This is where you ask any questions you want, and our expert panel of experts* will evaluate weather we can answer it at all.

QUESTION: "I filled the CDquarium with water, and there are bubbles stuck to the inside. I don't mean a few, it is plastered with bubbles. Why does this happen and what can I do to get rid of them?"

ANSWER: Those are not bubbles, although they look just like bubbles. Those are 'fairy gasps', and each one of them represents an individual sinful thought from a virginal mind.

To get rid of them, you must be ready to "make the big change".

Or you could go look at a monkeybaby. They will soon go away by themselves.

We are here to help.

QUESTION: "Hey wait a gosh darn minute... are those pictures photoshopped?"

ANSWER: How dare you. Let me assure you they are NOT photoshopped, we don't do that here and we would never stoop to that level. They are Fireworked. There is still a difference.

I did not have any fish handy, so I put those images together to represent the product. Now you know.

If the images are confusing, you were probably a monkeybaby. Start by demanding explanations of your parents.

QUESTION: "Why so much money? Aren't those things practically free?"

ANSWER: Not really. They cost a couple of dollars each.

The glue costs about $4.00 a tube and each one takes a half a tube or more depending upon my coordination and how long I have been gluing.

There are always at least two CDs in each one, and the blades I use must always be sharp (not kidding) so I go through alot of snapblades.

It is a pain in the buttocks to make one of these, so honestly you are mostly paying for the convenience of having one made for you.

The shipping is actually about accurate these days, and probably a little on the low side.

QUESTION: "What is the downside?"

ANSWER: In the big picture, it is being older than 40. For you, go see the warranties page. I don't have any warranties. I test them to not leak, but if they eventually (or immediately) do you are on your own. Buy some glue, use it liberally.

Furthermore, I am not responsible for any damages. Seriously. If one of these springs a leak overnight and shorts something out, I am not buying you another one of whatever it was.

QUESTION: "If these are glued, and since there is no opening, how dies the fish and water get inside... Is it osmosis, platicular diffusion, or just plain magic?"

ANSWER: Platicular diffusion.

Platicular diffusion plus the opening at the top. There's no such thing as magic. Osmosis might damage the plastic.

See the DIY section to have your illusions cruelly destroyed.

We thank you for this question. It reaffirms our product's incredible power of illusory counterintuitive juxtaposition of noncongruent archetypal elements predicated by societally ingrained special and technological expectations. And stuff. Hey, don't I know you from somewhere?

And we ALSO know what your expectations are with that freudian slip; "...how dies the fish".

Everyone knows that fish don't live long, but we don't need to gloat. Dead fish are tasty, not funny.

QUESTION: "Just checked out your CDquariums. Looks cool. Wouldn't DVD containers hold about eight times more fish than CD cakeboxes? Fishing for an answer......Tim"

ANSWER: Hi Tim (if 'Tim' is indeed your real name), thank you so much for your recognition of a truly superior product. They do look, cool, don't they?

Further kudos for thinking outside the torus. The obvious increase in storage capacity in using DVDs versus CDs in our aquariums might have allowed us to expand our markets.

We already experiemented on this.

DVDs do not interface with this planar level of physical reality very well, which is why they are so hard to copy. Instead the DVDs alter the local realilty to match their innate capacity. They usually get away with this inside your computer where they can't be seen and caught.

We dropped a few gold fish in one such DVD test container to find out. Oh, the horror.

At first nothing happened. When we came back the next morning, our little goldfish were gone! Then we noticed little orange bits of sand in the bottom of the tank.

The DVDs had not allowed more fish in, it had compressed the fish that were already there. Not only that, but the compression occurred in 3 dimensions. Not just eight times compression, but 8³ times... our poor little fish had been compressed to 1/512th their orginal space.

Turns out, NASA knew about this years ago, and were using it on Astronaut food since the early 1970s. Hope this helps and makes others aware of the dangers of messing with technologies far beyond their own understanding!

QUESTION: "How do I submit a question to Stump the Expert?"

ANSWER: Email us at the following address: